by
Donna F.G. Hailson
In the book of Acts, Saul — after undergoing his Damascus Road conversion
— is encouraged by Ananias to “get up, be baptized, and wash away your
sins, calling on the name of the Lord.” Well, now Blue Q — a Pittsfield,
Massachusetts-based company — is offering to “Wash Away Your Sins” with its
bubble bath and cleansing bar.
The label on the bubble bath promotes the contents as “baptism in a bottle”
and “the sanctified soak.” The product is directed at “liars, cheaters and
wrong-doers” and promises to remove “stubborn guilt” and to help “redeem
sinners the easy way.” This “100% holy,” “Bishop-tested” and
“Cardinal-approved” cleanser is said to leave “no visible sin scum.
The directions for use? “1. Kneel before thy tub. 2. Reflect upon
wrongdoing. 3. Run warm bath. 4. Pour in enough bubble bath to equal your
sins (double the amount you estimated). 5. Submerge thyself in blessed
bubbles. 6. Soak. 7. Arise cleansed from sin and ready to do-it-again.”
The experience of all of this is said to send one off bearing abroad in the
land a “tempting ‘do-it-again’ scent.”
If the $12 bubble bath doesn’t do the trick, one is also invited to call
upon the radical power of the soap. The cleansing bar is promoted by the
shapely nun on the box as “easy to use,” and good for “all 7 deadly sins.”
This “sinner’s necessity” promises to remove sins, kill odors and reduce
guilt by 98.9% or more — all for just $8.50 a bar. “I. Open box, remove
soap. 2. Engage water supply. 3. Moisten oneself. 4. Lather vigorously. 5.
Rinse. 6. Repent.”
The industrial-strength soap may also be used to counter vulgarities when
inserted in the mouth. The box carries three warnings, however. the soap may
be harmful if swallowed; habitual use may strengthen character; and the
product should be kept out of the reach of hardened criminals. (Note.
there’s no explanation offered as to what might happen if hardened criminals
were, in fact, to get hold of the product.)
I came across these little “treasures” at a store in Wayne, Pennsylvania,
which — quite appropriately, as it turns out — bears the name
Anthropologie.
Anthropology is defined by the _American Heritage Dictionary of the English
Language_ as “the scientific study of the origin, the behavior, and the
physical, social, and cultural development of human beings.”
What a study we have here in human nature, behavior and development!
Shouldn’t one anticipate that, once a culture has abandoned the word _sin_
in favor of _dysfunction_, the “original” problem would make its way onto a
parodying bottle of bubble bath sold in a store named Anthropologie? Humans
characteristically deny sin, or make a game of sin, or look for ways to wash
away or hide sin. So offended are we by the word sin that some of us try to
erase the word from common usage in verbal discourse, while others make a
joke of it.
The Wash Away Your Sins products were displayed in the store next to Blue Qs
Dirty Girl line of cleansers, “designed to transform even the dirtiest girl
into an immaculate, sweet-smelling specimen of beauty.”
Mitch Nash, who owns and runs Blue Q with his brother Seth, says Dirty Girl
in particular, with its “feisty female sensibility and playful quality” has
been a “phenomenon for the company.” The Wash Away line, which was designed
by a woman raised in a Catholic household, is also doing well, especially
with women in the “16 to 40ish demographic.”
“It’s about redemption,” Nash notes, “but done in an offbeat way.”
Interestingly enough, he says, the company has never received any calls
complaining that the products are “inappropriate or disrespectful.” Rather,
Nash says, he has heard of “many people of the cloth giving them away as
gifts.”
In addition to the soap and bubble bath, the company manufactures a Wash
Away Your Sins lip balm in a “cheap red wine flavor.” This “anointment
ointment,” with an SPF of 18, is said to provide “handy salvation for a
sinner on the go.”
One can find these products at stores like Anthropologie and Nordstrom’s as
well as on-line, where one finds some compelling enticements.
Niftygifty.com [1] offers this come-on. “Haven’t had time to repent your
sins lately? Well, maybe a good wash with this soap will hold you over.”
SpaCadet.com [2] leads with this. “Confess in an alter [sic] of bubbles with
Blue Qs Wash Away Your Sins. Just as effective as confession!”
Picky.oxygen.com [3] meanders its way thusly. “If only what this bottle
claims were true! Remove stubborn guilt. Yes, please. Wash Away Your Sins
Bubble Bath formula isn’t vastly different from other bubble baths, but we
like the idea of _symbolically_ washing away the guilt. Have another drink.
Crank call your nemesis. Order the Spice Channel. Do whatever your naughty
side wants. And let your bath fix it all (if your conscience can handle
it).”
And at giftmania.com [4] , where shoppers can purchase Bite the Hand That
Feeds You dog biscuits and You’re a Mess mirrors, the lure to buy the “easy-
to-use” products is simple and direct. “Sinners rejoice, yes, there is
hope!”
Wow, what an opening for the evangelist! Yes, indeed, there is hope! Through
Blue Q we have been given an “altar to the unknown God” opportunity.
Left to their own devices, aren’t human beings a mess, and don’t we bite the
hand that feeds us? Aren’t we loaded down with the weight of guilt and sin?
Aren’t we called to be 100% holy? Couldn’t we use a good cleansing, a
vigorous strengthening of our characters? Wouldn’t we like to have about us
a sweet, appealing scent?
Yes, Blue Q is right. we should kneel, reflect upon wrong-doing, repent of
sin, be baptized and wash away our sins.
There’s just one ingredient unaccounted for in the product line’s formulae,
but without it, the sinner will never be fully clean?she or he will always
feel in need of another good soaping. Missing in all of this hype is mention
of Jesus Christ.
Real washing, real sanctification, real justification comes only “in the
name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Cor. 6.11).
One needs more than just a baptism of repentance or a soapy scrub (Acts 19).
One must put his or her trust in Jesus as Savior and Lord, accepting his
sacrifice as one’s own and committing oneself to obedience and faith. Only
then will sins truly be washed away, only then will one know forgiveness and
pardon, and only then will one bear the sweet aroma of Christ.
But as too few Christians are about spreading the gospel, many folks may
continue to seek an easy way to deal with the burdens of guilt and sin. Soon
they’ll have one more tempting but ineffective product to choose from. moist
towelettes, about to be launched by Blue Q, aimed at killing sin on contact
and righting wrongs with a wipe.
Donna F.G. Hailson is Assistant Professor of Evangelism and Renewal and
Director of the Doctor of Ministry in the Renewal of the Church for Mission
at Eastern Baptist Theological Seminary. She was VOW’s featured speaker at
the last PW Churchwide Gathering. The article is reprinted with permission
from _Prism Magazine._
[1] http://www.Niftygifty.com
[2] http://www.SpaCadet.com
[3] http://www.Picky.oxygen.com
[4] http://www.giftmania.com