All posts Report Out of Africa, Part 6: Seeing myself through other eyes
8/18/2009 8:52:47 AM
The Rev. Carmen Fowler poses for a photo outside Kaning’a CCAP in Lilongwe, Malawi.
“Identity” is a profoundly theological and deeply personal issue. As a culture, we have been engaged in a conversation about “identity politics” surrounding the seating of the newest Supreme Court Justice. As a denomination, we have long been engaged over the issue of how one’s sexuality influences one’s sense of personal identity. Alongside that conversation, we have been in a debate about the nature of ordination and the identity of those who are ordained. Much of the runoff from these conversations has been nothing short of toxic to our common life.
Identity matters. But it is time to elevate the conversation from “the way I see it” and seek to see it the way God sees it. Again, it is a matter of perspective and new perspectives are gained when we begin to see ourselves through other eyes.
There is an expectation in the African church that those who hold ordained office in the Church of Jesus Christ dress to reflect that reality. That means that you wear a clerical collar and a suit. So, in preparation for my time in Malawi, I ordered two clerical shirts. I laughed at myself in the mirror the first time I put them on. My friends laughed the first time they saw me in what felt at first like a costume. But all of these were American eyes. Through African eyes the view was profoundly different.
People saw me differently because of the way I was dressed. The Church is held in high esteem and pastors are revered. Honor is paid to those who have committed themselves to serving God by serving the Church. To my colleagues in ministry, I was finally appropriately dressed. To the common person on the street, I was an authority, a witness, someone to be acknowledged, greeting with favor, and appreciated. To the congregation at Kaning’a, I was to be respected as a teacher of the Word.
Report Out of Africa
Click here to access the other stories in the series.
And then there was the little girl in the bathroom at Steer’s. Steer’s is a pizza place in a strip mall at Crossings in Lilongwe. Kelvin Kalonga and I had returned from our meetings at the Nkhoma Synod offices and were sharing a late lunch. I was washing my hands in the restroom when a little girl entered the bathroom. She was transfixed. She literally could not take her eyes off me. She looked from my face to my collar to my hands in the sink. She smiled expectantly. I was clearly supposed to do something but knew not what. I returned her smile and said hello. She giggled and said simply, “Bless me.”
I laid my hand on her bowed head and said, “God bless you, child of God.” I instinctively made the sign of the cross on her forehead and when she looked up, she was literally beaming. She had “received” what God was offering. She understood herself to be His child and she believed that in that moment she had received His blessing – through these hands.
These hands that have taken in life more than they have given. These hands that have surely been too idle when it comes to reaching up and reaching out. These hands that have not been folded often enough in prayer nor opened often enough in service. These hands …
Through the eyes of a little Malawian girl, whose name I do not know, I began to see myself differently. I looked up into the smeared and cracked bathroom mirror and I saw what she saw, the collar. Certainly she had seen the warmth of my smile and heard the joy in my voice when I greeted her. But what she responded to was the collar. There was no question in her mind that I was an ambassador of Jesus Christ, an agent of grace, a minister of reconciliation.
She got me thinking: what effect might wearing the collar at home have on people’s perception and response to me? Maybe even a more profound question, what effect might wearing the collar at home have on my perception of myself? Identity.
I know that I belong to Christ. I commit myself every day to the spirit of Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” And yet, I have to admit that although it defies logic, putting on a clerical collar and wearing it throughout the day actually does make a difference in how I perceive my identity. It provides a physical reminder that I am a witness, what I say and what I do is actively revealing Christ to others.
I walked out of the bathroom with an acute sense of weightiness and when I turned the corner I nearly ran into a traditionally dressed Muslim family. The man, who was walking ahead of the son, followed by the mother and girls in full black burkas, “condemned me” with his eyes. I do not know how else to describe it. If looks could kill, well, I’d be dead. I am fairly confident that was his intent. Not because I was white, not because I was American, not because I was a woman, but because I was wearing what I was wearing, representing the Christ in whom he did not believe.
It was five minutes that I hope never to forget – seeing myself through other eyes.
If you are a Christian then you are witness. It’s not an option. Jesus says very clearly to his disciples just prior to his ascension, “You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth” (Acts 1:8). According to Jesus, as his disciple, the Holy Spirit is on you powerfully and you are, right now and in every moment of every day, bearing witness in the world. That is our primary identity – in Christ, with Christ and for Christ.
There is no federal witness protection program in which Christians get to hide their testimony and live incognito in the midst of the world. You are a witness. Jesus says so. The question is what kind of witness are you?
When you line up the testimony of your thoughts to the mind of Christ, how reliable is your witness to Him?
When you weigh the testimony of your words to the Word of God, how trustworthy is your witness?
When you compare the content of your character to the character of Christ, how well conformed is your witness to Him?
When you honestly evaluate whether or not you speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God, how does your testimony measure up to the One who is the Way and the Truth and the Life?
We are witnesses to Christ and for Christ in the midst of the world that he lived to love and died to redeem. What are others seeing of Christ when they look at us? What are others hearing of Christ when they listen to us? What is the perception that others are forming of Christ when they encounter our witness?
I admit that since returning to the States, I have not worn the clerical collar again. But I am more aware of what I “put on” every morning before I walk out into the world as Christ’s witness. I commend this exercise to you …
Ephesians 4:17-32 Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Colossians 3:3-14 Put on Christ;
put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator;
as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
and over all these virtues, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect unity.
Ephesians 6:11-18 Put o
n the full armor of God so that you can take your stand …
Romans 13:11-14 Put on the armor of light;
clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ.
I Peter 5:5 All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another.