Response to Achtemeier
Turning hearts to God
By Kristin J. Tremba, Executive Director of OneByOne, November 18, 2009
A response to P. Mark Achtemeier’s “And Grace Will Lead Me Home” address to the Covenant Network of Presbyterians on November 5, 2009
Professor Mark Achtemeier’s “And Grace Will Lead Me Home” presents an honest argument as to why he has changed from his former position of standing against homosexuality to presently advocating for monogamous and committed homosexual unions. As a fellow evangelical and leader for renewal in our Presbyterian denomination, I respect Mark’s forthrightness and his commitment to “the final authority of Scripture, the singular saving Lordship of Jesus Christ, and the calling of God’s people to live lives of personal and corporate holiness.”[1] That being said, I disagree with where Mark has landed in his advocacy of committed homosexual unions based on his two main premises:
1) The Bible only prohibits violent, unloving, and abusive homosexual relationships, and those living and writing during Ancient Near Eastern and Greco-Roman times did not have a cultural reference point for understanding the committed (Christian) homosexual unions that exist today. If they had, they would have naturally affirmed these homosexual unions as consistent with the Judeo-Christian understanding of our “orientation toward life with another…(as) a good gift of the Creator” and that this good gift of committed sexual union should “not be done away with or overruled in gay and lesbian people.” [2]
2) Homosexuality in the context of monogamous and committed unions are not necessarily “inherently self-destructive – physically and spiritually” as is alcoholism, for example, and those who have claimed to have found freedom from homosexuality have done so only because their relationships were “abusive, promiscuous, and degrading.” If those who turned away from homosexuality had experienced healthy “life-giving” homosexual unions, they would have not seen their homosexuality and their homosexual relationships as inherently wrong and something to move away from rather than to embrace.[3]
At the heart of both premises is the singular supposition that homosexuality, if expressed in loving relationships vs. abusive ones, is good and even ordained by God. Prof. Achtemeier states:
Viewing homosexuality in line with Genesis 2 leads us to expect that healthy and loving covenanted partnerships would prove a source of blessing and sanctification as the partners claim God’s gift and grow into the image of Christ’s self-giving love. And healthy same-gendered partnerships bear out the expectation in the same way that good heterosexual marriages do.” [4]
Therefore, according to this line of reasoning, homosexual behavior executed in the context of a mutually loving and committed relationship is no different than a healthy, godly, heterosexual committed relationship; “it simply manifests itself in an alternative form, having shifted toward persons of the same gender.” [5]
How does one argue against this? Why would one want to? It seems the equitable, loving, and understanding position to take. This is the exact line of reasoning that many people, including Christians, are increasingly accepting – especially Christians who have children and friends who are gay-identified. [6] In fact, it is the position I took when I was struggling with same-sex attraction and when I eventually became involved in a lesbian relationship.
The Love Ethic
I remember as a Christian asking, “What’s wrong or un-Christian about two people of the same sex wanting to get married if they love one another?” As one who knew the Bible and believed in Christ, I felt that Jesus wouldn’t have a problem with committed homosexual relationships because he ultimately valued love above all else. Jesus said, “A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” [7] And the apostle Paul said, “And the greatest of these is love.”[8]
It wasn’t until later as I was letting go of a lesbian relationship (one that I didn’t want to have ended) that I began to realize Jesus also said: “If you love me, you will obey my commands.” [9] I also re-read Jesus’ words: “As I have loved you, so you must love one another” in a new light. As I have loved you. I had experienced God’s love to be gentle but also quite firm. As a truly loving parent, God had said “no” to things I naturally wanted to do and “yes” to things that God knew were best for me, and he did this out of love.
I also began to understand as I prayerfully read Scripture (in order to seek the Truth instead of rationalizing my behavior) that Jesus did have a problem with homosexuality no matter how lovingly it was expressed, because homosexuality violated God’s very design for sexuality. Jesus repeats verbatim the words of Genesis which describes God’s standards for our sexuality. In Genesis 2: 21-25 and Matthew 19:5 Jesus and the Father are in complete agreement as to the design for our sexuality.
‘One Flesh’
Both verses say: “In the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’” And Jesus added: “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” 24
According to Prof. Achtemeier this “one flesh” unity can be experienced between two persons of the same-sex. However, can two men or two women truly become “one flesh” as described in Scripture and which is born out in the created world that we live in?
When I was coming to terms with my own homosexual feelings and behavior, I had read all the passages that prohibited homosexuality. Even though they put the fear of God in me, they did not help me understand why homosexuality was wrong in God’s eyes.
It was the Bible’s description of this sacred “one flesh” union between one man and one woman that convinced me that homosexuality was not God’s will. It also reinforced the obvious reality that gender is intrinsic to our sexuality. Even the dictionary definition of the word “sex” includes the distinction of male and female and the intended union between a man and a woman.
Understanding that becoming “one flesh” is only possible in a male-female relationship was important for me in coming to an understanding of God’s design for my sexuality. I came to understand that two men in a sexual union (committed or not) cannot produce a “one flesh” union just as two women cannot produce a “one flesh” union regardless of how much they may love one another.
Why is that? Biologically speaking, only the bodies of a man and woman are designed to come together in a sexual union. This is not the case for the bodies of two men or two women engaged in sexual activity. In the case of two men, sexual intercourse may imitate intercourse between a man and woman, but two men’s bodies were not designed to fit together sexually and, therefore, do not produce a “one flesh” union. In the case of two women, there is a lack of reproductive organs which can create a one flesh union, and so, like two men, the bodies of two women cannot become “one flesh” in the literal sense, c
apable of procreation.
I used to think, “Well, what does biology matter when the spiritual connection is more important anyway? After all, sex is not just for biological reproduction and childbearing. There is a deeper union found in sexual relationships that transcends mere biology.” It is true that the expression of human sexuality is not only for procreation. Human sexuality actually represents a sacred and spiritual union between two different genders that mysteriously represents the very image of God.
I was amazed to discover as I read through Scripture that there is a sacred oneness described in various passages, starting with the oneness described in marriage where two different genders unite to become “one flesh”. [10] Later, in the New Testament we hear Jesus say “I and the Father are one.”[11] The Father and Son are different (unique in personhood) but one and the same, as Jesus claimed. Then Jesus speaks of us as believers (the Church) becoming one with each other. “That they (believers) may be one as we are one, just as you [the Father] are in me and I am in you.” [12] Though we are all different, we are one in Christ Jesus. And finally, the Creator and the creation (God and humanity who are very different) become one. “Whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.” [13]
I find it interesting and ironic that this sacred oneness in heterosexual marriage, in the Godhead, in the Church, and in our personal relationship with Jesus Christ requires diversity, not homogeneity. Advocates of homosexuality claim that they are the ones who are promoting diversity, and yet diversity is inherent in heterosexuality not homosexuality. It is this diversity that brings about unity and oneness.
When Genesis describes how woman was “taken out of man” and “for this reason a man will…be united (sexually) to his wife, and they will become one flesh” the Scripture is essentially describing a remerging of two different, complimentary parts into a whole. What was meant to be united, not separated, is united in marriage – in a sacred one flesh union. According to Jesus this union is not to be “separated” or altered or redefined.[14]
And yet, Prof. Achtemeier and other Christian advocates of homosexuality have redefined this one flesh union by asserting that the Bible includes homosexual committed unions in the “one flesh” equation. They do so by claiming that Scripture forbids only homosexual behavior that is unloving or abusive, and that the Biblical writers of the time didn’t understand that homosexuality could be expressed in loving, Christian homosexual unions as they are in our contemporary Christian culture. But is this true?
The “Exploitation Argument”
Paul says in Romans 1:24-27: “God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another.” [15] What Paul is condemning in this passage is homosexual behavior – the “exchanging of natural relations for unnatural ones” – not the fact that there was lust involved in the homosexual relationship rather than love.
One can not read this passage and rightly interpret it as saying that Paul was in favor of women with women and men with men if they expressed this relationship in love rather than in lust. To do so would be a distortion of Paul’s obvious sexual ethic. Louis Crompton, a homosexual scholar, states in his book Homosexuality and Civilization:
However well- intentioned, the interpretation that Paul’s words were not directed at “bona fide” homosexuals in committed relationships…seems strained and unhistorical. Nowhere does Paul or any other Jewish writer of the period imply the least acceptance of same-sex relationship under any circumstance.[16]
Prof. Robert A.J. Gagnon rightly acknowledges that Paul’s argument against homosexuality was based on a violation of God’s created order, not on whether homosexuality was executed in a loving fashion:
Paul was rejecting homosexual practice…because it was a violation of the male-female prerequisite for sexual relations ordained by the Creator at creation, not because of how well or badly it was done in his cultural milieu.[17]
Gagnon also argues that “Paul’s indictment of lesbianism in Romans 1:26 further confirms that his indictment of homosexual practice is absolute, since female homosexuality in antiquity was not primarily known or criticized for the exploitative practices of sex with slaves, prostitutes, or children.”[18]
The notion that Biblical writers of the Greco-Roman world would have had no understanding or cultural reference point for committed and loving homosexual unions is historically erroneous. One need only read ancient texts such as Plato’s Symposium or Sappho’s poems to read that devoted homosexual love was practiced and even revered in ancient Greco-Roman times.
In addition, Thomas K. Hubbard, a classist who is supportive of homosexuality, writes in Homosexuality in Greece and Rome:
Homosexuality in this era [i.e., of the early Imperial Age of Rome] may have ceased to be merely another practice of personal pleasure and began to be viewed as an essential and central category of personal identity, exclusive of and antithetical to heterosexual orientation.[19]
British classicist, James Davidson, proves that loving, faithful expressions of homosexuality were practiced in ancient Greece in his book The Greeks and Greek Love.
His book is a landmark study that challenges earlier historical interpretations of the evidence. For instance, scholars working in the tradition of Kenneth Dover (author of Greek Homosexuality, 1978) have argued that the Athenians were obsessed with anal sex, which they saw as an act of domination and humiliation. Davidson brilliantly shows that this interpretation is largely a projection on the part of modern historians, who have been reluctant to imagine a world where gay relationships could be expressions of love, affection, and appreciation, rather than deeply skewed power arrangements. [20]
Therefore, Prof. Achtemeier’s statement that “the social worlds that were the settings for the Bible and the Christian tradition did not have any developed concept of sexual orientation” is not supported by history, ancient witnesses, or the Biblical text.
As Christians we are then left with the Biblical prohibitions against homosexuality in all its forms: exploitative as well as loving. The Bible clearly states that there is something intrinsically wrong with homosexuality in general and that it is something that Christians are to repent of. And at the same time, the Bible also clearly states that same-sex attraction is something that believers in the Early Church personally experienced and yet they were “washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” [21]
Is Homosexuality like Alcoholism?
Prof. Achtemeier contends that it is not appropriate to equate the homosexual compulsion (the attraction and the behavior) as being something that needs to be resisted and healed (“washed”, “sanctified”, and “justified”) as it is appropriate for those who struggle with a destructive addiction such as alcoholism.
While I agree that the analogy of same-sex attraction and alcoholism does not hold in every aspect, I disagree with Prof. Achtemeier’s conclusion and agree with the Bible that homosexuality (in any form: exploitative or loving) indeed is something that God wants us to overcome just as he wants us to overcome other strongholds of sins in our lives.
If we
simply judge behavior and compulsion based upon the destruction or lack of destruction it may incur, we are underestimating the deceptive power of sin. For example, two adults who engage in consensual premarital sex may experience a loving relationship they claim is hurting no one, and yet they are living against God’s commands.
Why is premarital sex (even when love is involved) a sin? Because God knows that marital commitment – an exclusive lifelong covenant – works. We need it. He knows that when we engage in sex before marriage (even if it is with our fiancé) that we are undermining the joy God has for us on our wedding night and we are saying that sex really isn’t that important – that it is really not the moment when we become one flesh and seal the covenant agreement we made with our spouse – it’s simply when we fell in love and desired to physically enjoy one another regardless of an official commitment. God also knows that having sex outside of marriage is damaging to us, and our promiscuous culture reveals this truth.
“Contrary to pop-culture wisdom, those who do choose to save sex for marriage are not doomed to a second-class sex life. Rather they typically report higher levels of sexual satisfaction and marital contentment. Moreover, early sexual experience has been linked to marital dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, and greater incidence of divorce.[22]
However, what about the Christian gay couple? What if they decide to wait to have sex before their marriage? Wouldn’t that make their relationship legitimate in the eyes of God? Regardless of a gay couple’s desire to have their relationship sanctified and made holy in the eyes of the Church and the eyes of God, homosexuality, according to every mention of it in the Bible, is not God’s will, just as the Bible says that abusing alcohol is not God’s will.[23]
It’s easy to see how alcoholism is wrong, but why is homosexuality wrong? I wrestled with this question for a long time in my own life. It wasn’t enough for me to just say “It’s wrong because God says it’s wrong” – although that should have been enough. I had to know why it was wrong (why it fell short of God’s will for our lives), and God was more than willing to reveal it to me. God wants us to understand ourselves and why we do what we do. He is a loving God and Father.
The first thing God revealed to me is that even though I didn’t initially understand why I struggled with unwanted same-sex attraction, I needed to turn away from it (in mind, body, and spirit). I knew that I didn’t choose to have these feelings, but I chose to entertain these feelings and eventually act on them. When I took God at his word and admitted that acting out homosexually (via my mind as well as my body) was a sin, God was able to help me go further to understand why I struggled with these unwanted desires in the first place.
Prof. Achtemeier mentioned in his writing that people like me who have turned away from homosexuality do so only because we were in destructive homosexual relationships. Had we been in loving and faithful homosexual relationships, we wouldn’t have had the need to turn away.[24] In my experience, I have found that my relationships were not overtly destructive. They looked fine from the viewpoint of any secular observer. However, I began to realize that these seemingly innocuous relationships were not healthy.
For example, when I was in college (a Christian college) I was inseparable from my college roommate during the four years I attended. I didn’t know what emotional dependency was at the time, but I was emotionally dependent upon my roommate. On the surface, it appeared to be a great relationship – a best friend kind of relationship that lasted five years. However, I discovered that emotionally dependent relationships are like emotional idolatry.
My roommate and I were inseparable, and that limited our relationships with others, including my desire to date young men at school and eventually get married. I thought, “I have her, I don’t need a man in my life.” I put all of my emotional “eggs” in her basket – my need for love, security, and identity were all wrapped up with her. I began to worship her (idolize her) and my whole life revolved around what she thought and did. This was very limiting for me, socially, and it limited my relationship with God because I should have been emotionally dependent upon him – trusting him to meet the needs I expected her to meet.
This kind of unhealthy emotionally dependent relationship can happen between a man and a woman, too, and can be just as destructive. In my case, the more dependent I became upon my roommate the more I noticed my feelings becoming sexual. Also, the more I tried to pretend I didn’t have these feelings, the stronger they got. I was horrified that I had lesbian feelings (and that I might be a lesbian), and I tried to find some books in my college library, but in the 80’s there was not much written by Christians who struggled with same-sex attraction.
So I kept quiet and hid my feelings from everyone, including my roommate. I believe my roommate also struggled with same-sex attraction, but we were both were too terrified to act out on our feelings or even talk about our feelings for one another. Interestingly, though I was in denial about it, fellow students had to only observe us to come to the conclusion that we were lesbians, and they weren’t inaccurate in their presumption.
If my roommate and I had been in college today, we would have probably acted out on our feelings and become a popular couple on campus! If only we were not in such a repressive environment we could have been open about our feelings and identity, right? Would that have made our relationship healthy? My answer is absolutely not. My having sex with my roommate would not have made my unhealthy emotionally dependent relationship with her healthy – only worse.
Also, was it the unhealthy dependency of our relationship that was wrong, or the same-sex aspect of it? For example, could I have had a healthy, non-emotionally dependent relationship with my roommate and still have had an intimate romantic relationship with her that was healthy? My answer is no. I have seen this pattern of emotional dependency in many women who seek freedom from lesbianism. Emotional dependency between two women usually leads to lesbianism, and it is a common characteristic in lesbian relationships.[25] Emotional dependency can also be a common feature in male homosexual relationships.[26]
Healthy adult friendships and marriages are founded and sustained upon sacrifice, not neediness. What was I needy for? What was I idolizing in my roommate? Why did I go to her for all my core emotional needs? Why did I fall in love with her instead of with a young man? I came to realize that what I needed from her was a healthy emotional connection and identification with the same sex. These legitimate same-sex needs should have been met when I was in my formative years, but they were lacking to some degree. This lack created a void and a desperate yearning to meet them as an adult via sexual relationships.
Joe Dallas, in his excellent book Desires in Conflict writes about how our emotional needs can “cross wires” with our sexual desires:
When a person longs for intimacy with another, that longing may include a desire to share sexual pleasure. For most people, that longing is directed toward members of the opposite sex. Normal development usually includes…an early phase of bonding with the same sex. By the time this need for same-sex bonding has been satisfied and the child is ready for relationships with the opposite sex, he is also entering puberty with its accompanying sexual drives….Right when we’re emotionally prepared for romantic love, our bodies a
re following suit.
But what happens when we’re not emotionally prepared for relationships with the opposite sex? What if, by the time we reach puberty, our need for same-sex love is still unsatisfied and predominant? Our bodies won’t wait for our emotions to catch up. Instead, we may develop strong sexual desires which may cross, like wires, with our emotional needs. In that case, the emotional need for closeness and identification with other people of our sex becomes a sexualized need, with members of our own sex being the object of both our sexual and emotional desires.[27]
How are needs for same-sex love met? They are met through healthy relationships with parents, peers, and other adults. If these relationships are not healthy (to whatever degree), if there is sexual, verbal, emotional abuse, neglect, unhealthy communication and expectations a child is left with a void that needs to be filled and wounds that need to be healed. It is not unlike a person who struggles with any kind of sexual issue – or non-sexual issue for that matter. If our needs for love, security, and identity are thwarted for whatever reason, we suffer, and we naturally look for ways to meet our needs and mask our pain.
The Bible is replete with examples of how our relationships with each other affect our sexuality. A cursory reading of Genesis and the life of the patriarchs as well as David, Absalom, and Solomon reveal that broken relationships and sexual brokenness go hand in hand. Homosexuality is a symptom – a sign – of needs that need to be met, wounds that need to be healed, and sins that need to be forgiven.
In addition to relationship issues, men and women who struggle with same-sex attraction often have a hard time relating to their own gender and embracing their gender as their own. Often men with same-sex attraction don’t feel athletic/ masculine enough and women with same-sex attraction don’t feel beautiful/ feminine enough. Many men and women with same-sex attraction say that their gender eludes them and they feel “different”.
Often, boys will find a woman’s world to be safer and one in which they can excel, and a girl will find that a man’s world is safer and in which they can excel. Sometimes the boy will gender-identify with women and become effeminate, and a girl will gender-identify with men and take on masculine characteristics. What often follows is peer rejection and bullying, especially for young boys, and this labeling only further reinforces a gay identity upon a developing young man or woman.
Because of this deep sense of inadequacy, men and women with same-sex attraction will often idolize and then sexualize men and women in whom they see qualities that they desperately desire and which they feel they lack. I have often asked men and women who come to me for help to write down a list of those qualities (physical and personal attributes) that they are attracted to in a person they sexually desire. Then I will have them write down a list of qualities in which they believe they are lacking. Inevitably, these lists will be identical.
How does healing take place? Unlike an alcoholic who needs to stay away from alcohol, a man who struggles with same-sex attraction does not need to stay away from men, but he does need to stay away from having sex with men. The same holds true for a woman who struggles – she does not need to stay away from women; she needs to stay away from having sex with women. Sex is the emotional counterfeit to healthy same-sex relationships that the man or woman needs.
We as the Church can provide a place where healthy, non-erotic same-sex relationships can be nurtured for men and women who struggle with homosexuality. The answer to healing is in our open hands and open hearts. Many men and women who have turned away from homosexuality testify that their healing was facilitated through Christian brothers and sisters who helped them meet their needs for same-sex emotional connection and identity though loving friendships.
That is why we as Christians are doing a grave disservice to our brothers and sisters and to our young people when we tell them homosexuality is okay. We think we are showing love, but in actuality we are preventing them from healing wounds that need to be healed, meeting needs that desperately need to be met, and repenting of sins that need to be forgiven. Even worse, we are keeping them from knowing God as the one who can ultimately heal their wounds, meet their needs, and forgive their sins.
The greatest key to my healing was turning my heart away from meeting my sexual and emotional needs in inappropriate ways and turning my heart to God (i.e., repentance). Why do I say “my heart” – because it was my heart that needed healing. Since I was a child, I believed in Jesus and loved him. I went to church and confessed him as Lord and Savior all of my life. However, it wasn’t until I came to a crossroads with my same-sex attraction that I had to turn my heart over to him completely. I believed in Jesus, but I didn’t fully trust him to provide for my needs – especially my greatest need – the need to love and be loved intimately. So I compromised and got what I needed in my way and the world’s way.
I remember a moment that changed my life. I was driving in my car, smoking a cigarette, and I was angry at God for being single and thinking that I would always be alone, particularly if I obeyed his commands and held to his standards. In a shocking instant my car was totaled and I was looking inside an airbag. I escaped the crash with only a bruised knee, but I was a crying mess. Not by coincidence, I crashed my car on a street where some Christian women knew me and had prayed for me about my struggle with homosexuality.
They came out of their apartment and comforted me. One wrapped her arms around me and held me, and I, self-consciously pulled my arm away so as not to give her the wrong impression. She quickly took my arm and wrapped it back around herself. I felt the Lord saying to me in that gesture, “I have not come to deprive you of love, but to give it to you – in my way. Trust me to provide for you.”
Since that time, God has provided so much for me in every aspect of my life. He first showed me that my identity is found in him first, not in my sexuality or marital status. He poured his love into me as I waited patiently for him. He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit, out of the mud and mire, and gave me a firm place to stand – right in the center of his love. Asking for and receiving God’s love and care as I trusted and obeyed him was the most important part of my healing process.
He also provided healthy female friends and gave me purpose, direction and mission for my life. He didn’t answer all of my prayers in an instant. It took time for my desires and expectations to change, and I could have given up and lost hope. I waited many years for God to fulfill his plans in my life, but during the years of waiting God blessed and rewarded me for seeking him, as Hebrews 11:6 promises. So much more than my sexuality changed – my mindset, expectations, circumstances, and relationships with others and with God also improved greatly.
It wasn’t until I was 39 that I met my husband – a man who loves the Lord and loves me in ways that I had only dreamed of. At 41 I am pregnant with our little girl. Marriage and motherhood for me is simply God graciously answering the desire of my heart. Some men and women who have struggled with same-sex attraction do not marry, but they are right in the center of God’s will for their life. These men and women have experienced great healing in their lives and are used mightily by God to bring hope to others.
The Scripture is clear: engaging in unrepentant sexual immorality separates us from God and his wil
l for our lives, but we can be forgiven and redeemed by the love and power of Jesus Christ.[28] Paul said, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also.[29] God can “resurrect” our bodies, minds, and hearts as we surrender ourselves to him.
Christians who believe that God can not bring healing (or does not want to bring healing) to those who experience same-sex attraction are underestimating the Word of God and the power of his resurrection. We will all struggle with sin and temptation for the rest of our lives, and those of us who struggle with same-sex attraction, or heterosexual lust, or whatever struggle that besets us may continue to be tempted by our weaknesses, but we no longer have to be a “slave to sin”. Sin does not have to be “our master”. We indeed can become “new creations” through Christ Jesus.[30] As followers of Christ may we believe this for ourselves and for others.
Conclusion
I realize that there are gay-identified Christians who have read this and who still believe that God approves of their loving and committed homosexual unions. They believe that their same-sex attraction is not a product of brokenness but it is a gift from God. These Christians are increasingly finding acceptance and advocacy in our mainline denominations.
However, there are other Christians who want to turn away from homosexuality and find healing for the wounds that they believe led them to struggle with same-sex attraction in the first place. Increasingly, they are finding churches, ministries and resources that can help them. God began a powerful ministry 35 years ago in California called Exodus International. One of its founders is named Frank Worthen.
When Frank was 40 years old, he stood on the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco ready to kill himself. He had spent 20 years living a homosexual life after being told by his pastor when he was a young man that because he had same-sex attraction he was “gay” and he should therefore embrace his homosexuality, which he did. While standing on that bridge he heard the Lord speak to his heart: “Frank, if you are willing to take your life, are you willing to give it to me?”
He walked off that bridge and discovered other men and women, like him, who wanted to turn from homosexuality, and thus began a Christian ministry called “Exit” later to be called Exodus International. Influenced by their witness and work, in 1995 OneByOne was formed by Presbyterian pastors and laypeople who wanted to encourage our churches to provide ministry for those who struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction.
Over the years other denominational ministries were formed such as Transforming Congregations (Methodist), The Way Out (Southern Baptist), and Courage (Catholic). Ministries of other faiths have also formed: JONAH (Jewish) and Evergreen (Mormon). NARTH (National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality) provide scientific research and counseling resources, and Love Won Out (Focus on the Family) offer conferences for parents and friends who have loved ones who are gay-identified.
Recently, OneByOne, Transforming Congregations, and Love Won Out have merged with Exodus International. Every year Exodus holds an annual conference and regional conferences that bring in hundreds of adult men and women and young people who are seeking freedom from homosexuality as well as those who have found that freedom. Many parents, friends, and church leaders attend Love Won Out Conferences held six times a year in various churches around the country in order to understand the same-sex struggle and to learn how to provide truth and compassion for their loved ones.
OneByOne is working directly with the Exodus Church Association in order to educate, equip and encourage the Church to be a place of truth, hope, and love for those who are affected by homosexuality. We encourage you to ask your church to join the Exodus Church Association so that you can make your church a spiritual home for those in your area affected by homosexuality.
***
One day a father came to Jesus and brought his afflicted son for Jesus to heal. The father said to Jesus, “If you can, please heal my son.” Jesus replied with surprise, “If I can? All things are possible for him who believes.” The man’s son was healed that day (and I suspect the Father was healed, too). May we have that kind of faith in our Lord and Savior who was the One who came “to turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers” – and to their Heavenly Father. [31]
[1] P. Mark Achtemeier, “And Grace Will Lead Me Home,” November 5, 2009, p. 2
[2] Ibid, p. 14
[3] Ibid, p. 8, 13
[4] Ibid, p. 15-16.
[5] Ibid, p. 14.
[6] I use the term “gay-identified” as to distinguish between those who have same-sex attraction but wish not to identify as “gay”. I do not call people “homosexuals” or “lesbians” because I believe that God made all of us heterosexual, but some men and women experience same-sex attraction in varying degrees, and that these attractions can be changed and do not have to define a person’s identity as inherently “gay” or “homosexual” unless that person chooses to identify as such.
[7] John 13:34-35
[8] I Corinthians 13:13
[9] John 14:15
[10] Genesis 2:24
[11] John 10:30
[12] John 17: 21
[13] I Corinthians 6:17
[14] Matthew 19:6
[15] Romans 1:26-27
[16] Louis Crompton, Homosexuality and Civilization (Harvard University Press, 2003), 114. Quoted in Prof. Robert A.J. Gagnon “What the Evidence Really Says about Scripture and Homosexual Practice: Five Issues” (March 4, 2009), 4.
[17] Robert A.J. Gagnon “What the Evidence Really Says about Scripture and Homosexual Practice: Five Issues” (March 14, 2009), 3.
[18] Ibid.
[19] Ibid, 4.
[20] Emily Wilson, “Ancient Greek Lessons About Gay Marriage: The dizzying spectrum of same-sex relationships” (September 22, 2009), http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/books/2009/09/ancient_greek_lessons_about_gay_marriage.html.
[21] I Corinthians 6:9-11
[22] Jeff Hooten, “The New Virgins.” 16 March 2004. www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/public//@fotf_troubledwith/documents/articles/
[23] Ephesians 5:18
[24] Achtemeier, 13.
[25] Lori Rentzel, Emotional Dependency, (IVP Books: Downers Grove, IL, 1984) and Anne Paulk Restoring Sexual Identity (Harvest House Publishers: Eugene, OR, 2003).
[26] Mike Ensley, Emotional Dependency for Guys, (Exodus International: Orlando, FL, 2007).
[27] Joe Dallas, Desires in Conflict, (Harvest House Publishers: Eugene, OR, 1991), p. 115-116.
[28] I Corinthians 6: 9-11
[29] 1 Corinthians 6:13-14
[30] John 8:34-36; Romans 6:14; 2 Corinthians 5:17
[31] Malachi 4:6