Tullian Tchividjian, 43, the grandson of evangelist Billy Graham, resigned from the Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale after the affair was uncovered in June.
After discovering his wife, Kim Tchividjian, had had an affair, the couple separated and the head pastor then “ended up getting involved with a girl that I should not have, obviously,” he said.
He has now opened up about the “dark nights” that he has experienced in an emotional podcast describing his range of anger, guilt, embarassment and despair, reported the Orlando Sentinel.
He said: “It was a short-lived thing, it wasn’t a long thing, but it was the worst external decision I had ever made in my life.
“And I’m wrestling with the aftermath of that. I’ve experienced dark nights of the soul in a way I’ve never experienced before.
“One of the things God is forcing me to face is that I knew I was bad…I didn’t know I was this bad.”
Tchividjian resigned in late June after church officials learned of the affair and approached him about it.
He had served as head pastor since 2009, after being chosen to lead the church following the death of founding pastor D. James Kennedy.
Despite his misdemeanours, his 120,000 supporters on his social media accounts have been sending him prayers of support.
On the podcast, Tchividjian added that he thought he had become more arrogant and perhaps believed “the messenger” was more important than God’s message.
“I want the message to be about Jesus and I want that to be primary,” Tchividjian said.
“My hope and my prayer for me and my family and my life going forward, regardless of what I wind up doing, is that I would get God’s grace at a much deeper level than I could have ever gotten it if He had not allowed this to happen.”