I will not use the false teaching of the PCUSA to shield my sin
August 18, 2004
This is my last letter to The Layman as a member of the Presbyterian Church. I wanted to thank the staff of The Layman for being an integral part of my spiritual growth the past couple of years.
I hope that you will indulge me for one last time. I have a personal message for the leaders of the PCUSA. I have little faith that it will make any difference, yet I feel led to make my voice heard.
During my college years I was involved in an abortion experience with my then girlfriend. It has been almost twenty-five years, and I do not remember all the details. Yet, I do recall the intense spiritual and emotional turmoil.
I was raised a Christian, but I had fallen away from God. I was unprepared for such a traumatic situation, and did not have the basic fundamental understanding of God’s grace. I truly believed I was damned to hell for killing a child. I could not forgive myself, and bore all of the pain in silence, not discussing it with my parents or anyone.
This event led to years of isolation and personal destruction. I could not pray to God, who I was convinced wanted nothing to do with me.
Three years ago, I began attending a Presbyterian church and became involved in the Great Banquet community. I learned about God’s grace, and discovered that even a horrible sinner such as I could be forgiven. I learned that God does not expect us to be perfect, and that all of us sin.
For so many years I had distanced myself from Christians, because I felt I had to be perfect, and could never achieve that level. You can imagine the utter sense of salvation and joy I felt when I finally understood the Good News and allowed Christ back into my life.
Today, I find myself back in a state of confusion. The Presbyterian church has taken a position of supporting abortion. This great denomination that showed me the way to redemption, is now proclaiming that I did not sin at all so many years ago.
My church is saying I suffered for so long needlessly, that all I had to do was to ask God for forgiveness. The PCUSA is saying I suffered for so long needlessly because abortion is not a sin. Can any liberal minded Presbyterian understand the potential consequences of that?
I want to make it clear to anyone who reads this letter how potentially dangerous this message can be. Thankfully, I am far enough along in my walk with Christ to see the false teaching. But, there are others like me going through this same situation today. What are they going to face?
I cannot imagine how angry I would be today at the Presbyterian church had I been told abortion was not sinful years ago. I would have received an empty spiritual blessing that meant nothing. And, knowing the person I was at that time, I would have taken the attitude of “what else can I get away with.”
Is it not better to receive forgiveness from God than to receive forgiveness from man? Proclaiming abortion as acceptable in the eyes of God is nothing short of hypocrisy and selfishness. Good Christians have to know this.
We are going to heaven someday. Can any Christian honestly imagine sitting down in front of God explaining the positive aspects of abortion? Face to face with him?
For all the abortion advocates in the Presbyterian Church, I beg of you to take a step back and try to realize what you are doing. Abortion is legal in our society. But it does not make it right. The Bible is very clear regarding the promotion of sin. I cannot think of a worse sin than teaching false doctrine and deceiving others.
The Presbyterian Church should promote the joy of God’s Word, not some empty human promises. I have experienced abortion first hand, and it is not something I would ever advise someone to do. Men suffer from its consequences also. I experience nightmares, where I picture the horror of the abortion procedure being inflicted on my child. My child.
I pray I will see my child in heaven someday. I do not know what I will say. What can I say? But, one thing I will not do is pretend I did nothing wrong. Can you see the abomination in that? I will not use the false teaching of the Presbyterian church as a shield for the sin I committed.
I have many other issues with the Presbyterian church, and I realize they are altogether overwhelming and impossible for me to reconcile. I feel I must leave. I have reached the point of incredible fear and anger. The situation with the PCUSA is too complicated and beyond my understanding. The advocates for sin I have been in contact with are as passionate and resolute as I am.
I do not believe the PCUSA has ever heard my voice. I am just an average guy. I want them to know how this decision is breaking my heart. I love the church. It has literally saved my life. To leave it now is tearing at my soul. Does that not mean anything to anyone? I do not believe the PCUSA cares one bit for me. I hope to find a place where people do care. Isn’t that what a church is supposed to do?
David Hankins